A/N: This fanfiction takes place in the beginning of New Moon after Edward leaves Bella. Instead of falling into depression Bella has a plan. It is mainly a twilight story but it is a crossover with Angel as the character Spike will be in it. Will Bella be with Edward or Spike?
Bella was sad, devastated, lonely. Edward had left and Bella kept running in the woods. Eventually she chose to curl up in a ball in the moist grass and cried. Her tears were salty and sweet. A part of her knew even then that Edward was still her soulmate. At the time she was to hurt to do anything but lay down and cry. What a beautiful young thin thing she was; she desperately wanted to be that forever. Because of Edward, so she could be young forever with him, and for herself, so she would never die, never succumb to mortality. She still wanted Edward to change her. For anyone to change her. Then she would go find Edward and convince him that they were meant to be.
Bella didn't realize that not all vampires sparkle in the sun. The Cullen clan did, and some other clans did, but there were other more powerful vampires that were much older than the Cullens. They burned in the sun. Heck, even crosses and holy water burned them. It was Bella's mistake to assume all good vampires were like the Cullens.
In the end, though, Bella would never regret her decision.
After the native American wolves found Bella, they brought her back to her father Charlie and Bella robotically walked up to her room and crawled into her bed. Bella was in shock. The Cullens, the only people who understood her, were gone. Her love was gone, and her best girlfriend Alice was gone.
Bella vowed to fix things. She would become a vampire and then search the globe for Edward. She would be his immortal queen. After all, nothing could go wrong, right? Vampires were superior creatures. She would be one. She was determined. She would let fragile Bella die and become immortal Bella, the cold and immortal warrior full of love and hope.
She started wandering around outside at night. Edward wasn't in Forks, though, so Bella had no reason to stay there. So, she chose to go to California. There were other vampires there, not that she knew that. But her intuition said wander the Earth and find the Cullens. Something told her to start with California. She would meet Angel and Spike there eventually.
The next day Bella wakes up. Every day she wakes up and says to herself a positive affirmation. I will find Edward. I will become immortal for him. I will do whatever it takes.
She tells her dad she is going to travel around the world in order to find herself. It is a white lie, but Charlie is okay with it. He gives her some money for food and airplanes and lodging.
Bella thinks she knows what it means to be a vampire. Vampires are superheroes. Vampires are immortals. Vampires, at their best, when they are vegetarian, are very good people.
She buys her airplane ticket to California with the help of her lovely mother who was the queen of traveling. Her dad Charlie drives Bella to the airport and she checks her bag and boards the plane.
I will find vampires again. I am a vampire magnet. I smell too good for them. So good that they will want me. I will find them and become one of them. Then I will give myself to Edward again. My prince, my soulmate. He lied and said he didn't love me. I can see through that, I don't believe it, I am not afraid. I am only afraid of losing him. Nothing else matters.
Bella arrives in California and gets a room in a cheap motel. But it is California so even a cheap motel was pretty fancy. Was Victoria here? Maybe she could change Bella. But no, Victoria was not there. A way older man was there, a man who had been flirting with danger and evil and death for a long time.
Bella would meet William the Bloody. AKA Spike. And the melodramatic king of brooding, Angel. But this story is not about them. They are minor characters that will introduce Bella to a different kind of vampire while she is searching for vampires in order to become like Edward. When Edward does find her, his concern for Bella's soul will have more merit. There will be much more for Edward to worry about, like for example how they would never be able to lay in their meadow in the sun together. Never. But they would still love each other.
Bella would become a vampire and then go back to Forks and wait for Alice to have a vision bringing the Cullens back. Bella was so determined to make this all happen.
All she had to do was go to clubs at night and stay up all night waiting for vampires. This is the beginning of the bad.
This happens before Spike goes on a quest to get his soul back. Spike sees a beautiful young lay walking around. She smelled so good. She would be desert, maybe, or a girl to play with. He goes into a bar and waits for her.
Bella sees Spike too and senses that he is a vampire. He is her target. Bella goes into the bar and there is Spike. She of course doesn't know his name. He is a thin vampire with white hair. His eyes are vivid and crazed.
Spike asks Bella if she wants something to drink. Bella says, sure, but first tell me this. Are you a vampire?
How did you know? Spike asks.
I guess it's like gaydar, Bella said. I knew a vampire once.
And you're in love with him? Spike asks her.
It doesn't matter. I want you to turn me, Bella said.
Oh sweet young thing, Spike said. Why not? I would love a little playmate. But lets drink together first.
Spike buys Bella a Vodka and the bar doesn't card Bella. They drink together and Bella tells her story.
So you think we sparkle, huh? Spike says.
The Cullens do, Bella said.
Spike decides not to tell Bella that most vampires burn in the sun and that the Cullens and their friends are the exception. That being a vampire isn't the walk in the park that Bella thinks it is.
Either way. Spike takes Bella's hand and leads her to a lonely street where no one walks.
Are you sure? Spike asks.
Yes, Bella says.
Then Bella exposes her neck and then Spike bites Bella on the neck and drinks almost all of her blood. Bella finds the pain to be amazing and surreal. Then Spike bites his wrist and feeds Bella his blood. She drinks Spike's blood.
She passes out and goes through incredible pain and torment and then Bella wakes up as a vampire. She would soon learn that she would not, however, sparkle.
To be continued...
Alice's POV
Alice Cullen has a vision that Bella Swan is laying down in the woods in the sun, burning and screaming. Alice does not know what this means so she thinks that Bella was going to kill herself because of Edward. She runs back to Forks to find Bella but finds that Bella is not in Forks anymore. She hides her vision from the rest of the Cullens, especially Edward, because he would likely do something drastic. He could not live without his Bella. Alice asks Charlie where Bella went. Bella's dad, who likes Alice way more than he likes Edward, tells Edward that Bella ran away to California. Charlie told Alice that he had no clue what Bella was up to.
So, Alice goes to California to find and save Bella.
Bella's POV
Bella finally stops heaving. The pain is gone. She wakes up. She feels so still; her heart is not beating. There is a crazy blonde man sitting next to her, watching her sleep and smirking.
"Welcome to life as a vampire" Spike says.
"Who are you?" Bella asks.
"Don't you remember? I'm Spike, the dude who changed you," Spike says.
"Oh, thank you very much," Bella says. I'm a vampire now! It feels so surreal, she thinks. In fact, I feel nothing. I am cold and still. I didn't think it would be like this. Oh well, I hope the Cullens will like me as a vampire like them. I did this for them.
And Bella was so hungry, so thirsty. It was an insatiable feeling. She was no longer the hunted. She was the hunter. Even so, Bella did not regret her decision yet. She was born to be a vampire.
"I'll teach you how to hunt, little thing," Spike says.
What? Bella thinks. I was going to be a vegetarian. But something tells me that Spike is so NOT a vegetarian.
But at the time Bella did not care. She was so thirsty. She was angry. She was sad. She was inspired. She was cold and empty. She was all of those things and she knew she had to find Edward. But first food. Blood. She needed blood now, now, now. Spike would teach her how to seduce her prey and drink their blood.
After all, Bella was beautiful. Any straight man would fall for Bella, the temptress, the hot vampire.
Spike takes Bella's hand and leads her into a dance club. The music is loud and Spike grinds his body against Bella's body, dancing and having a good old time. It is around midnight. Bella decides to just have fun and dance with Spike. She was angry with Edward for leaving her. Bella was only sixteen and Spike was way older. HE was even older than Edward Cullen.
So, she dances with Spike. She grinds her body against his to the beat of the music. There is a ravenous hole in Bella's body. She was so thirsty.
"Blood," Bella says to Spike, whispering almost. Bella was out of control.
"Be patient, my princess," Spike says with a smirk.
"Now," Bella says.
"Ok. Follow me," Spike says. Bella ravenously follows Spike and watches Spike sink his fangs into a dancing woman. She had short black hair and beautiful Asian eyes. She would be dead soon.
Wait, I thought vampires had sharp teeth, not fangs, Bella thought.
She opens her mouth and then fangs pop out. She has fangs. So, there are different types of vampires. What else was different? But for now, it didn't matter. She needed to feed.
Bella follows Spike and sinks her fangs into the young Asian girl. Spike and Bella take the girl's life together. People would assume she overdosed on drugs, as many people in the club do. Bella grins, her mouth bright red. Her eyes, too, are bright red. The blood tasted so good, so much better than any human food she had in her sixteen years.
"Come on, dance with me again," Spike says.
Bella has yet come to realize that she would not sparkle in the sun. She would burn in the sun. What would Edward do when he found his Bella like this? Would he blame himself? He probably would.
Bella is high on blood. The Asian girl was on a combination of drugs. Alcohol, weed, and molly. Bella was a formerly innocent young girl who had never touched drugs, not even alcohol. So, all of the drugs that were in her and Spike's victim's blood would assault Bella. She was not prepared to feel so intensely and passionately. An Spike was there, and Bella was high, so Bella Swan danced with her maker.
"Come on. The night is young still," Spike says. Spike picks out another victim but even though Bella is still so thirsty, she is not interested. The MDMA in the blood she drank made her feel her love for Edward Cullen even more than she had ever felt before.
"I'm going to go," Bella said. "Thank you for changing me. Maybe we'll meet again."
Bella wanders around the street. She is a newborn vampire and cannot control her thirst. She is crying and afraid and scared. She is so alone and nothing makes sense anymore. She remembers the Cullens. Don't drink human blood. But she had already had a taste for it and now she wanted it so much. Push it down. The drugs and being a new vampire made Bella feel so out of control. She still has no idea that daylight would become a problem for her, so she does not think about going back to her motel and being safe once the sun rises.
Bella wanders around the street. She catches a mouse in they alleyway and snatches it like a cat. She drains the mouse of all of it's blood and then moves on to find more blood to drink.
Alice's POV
Alice is in California looking for Bella Swan. She decides to go to the place where she saw Bella in her vision. She knows that Edward is reading her mind. Alice finds Bella just in time. Bella is lying in the alleyway curled up in a ball. There is blood on her mouth. How did she become a vampire? I didn't interpret my vision correctly, Alice thinks.
Dawn is coming and Bella's hands are a little red. Alice could smell a sizzling smell. The sun was coming up. Alice's intuition told her to get Bella out of there. Alice, at the last moment, realizes that Bella became a different kind of vampire. Still immortal and blood drinking, but Bella would burn in the sun if Alice didn't get her inside. That was why Bella was burning in Alice's vision.
Alice picks Bella up and takes her to the hotel she is staying in.
"It's okay, Bella," Alice says, stroking Bella's hair. "We'll go back to Forks. Edward will come back. You didn't have to do this!"
Bella squirms. She is half unconscious. A part of her still wants to dance. She gets up and starts dancing but then she was so out of it that she collapsed. Alice held her safe.
"It will be okay, Bella. I promise," Alice said. She realized they would have to stay in the hotel until darkness fell again the next night. The Alice would take Bella back to Forks. Edward would read her mind and come running to his Bella.
It is around 11 am now. Bella is clear minded and awake. She turns and sees Alice. She is so excited.
"Alice!" Bella said. "What happened?" she asks and then she remembers.
"Omg I killed a girl," Bella said. "Oh my God!" she starts crying. Alice holds Bella and tells her that it will be okay. It will be okay, I have seen it.
"Let's go back to Forks," Alice says. "But we have to wait until night."
"Because we sparkle," Bella says.
"I do. I didn't realize there were other types of vampires. When I found you, it was almost dawn, and you were almost burning. I got you inside just in time."
"What?" Bella asks, confused. "I didn't know that. If I burn in the sun how will Edward and I be together?"
"Don't worry. Everything will be fine. Just relax, I am going to call Carlisle and tell him everything. We'll all go back to Forks. It will be okay. I've seen it. You will adjust, I promise," Alice says.
"What? Edward is going to blame himself. He is going to be devastated. He loved me, but he didn't want me to be a vampire," Bella says. "But I did. I wanted this. I didn't know it would be like this."
Alice hugs Bella tightly and promises that she would take care of it. She promises that her family would protect Bella, and that she was forgiven for feeding on a human.
Bella lays on the bed in the hotel. She is still so thirsty.
Alice had not interpreted her vision correctly. She thought Bella was going to kill herself, not that she was going to become a vampire. A vampire that burns in the sun. Oh, this will NOT make Edward happy, Alice thinks.
Edward reads Alice's mind.
WHAT won't make me happy? Edward thinks into Alice's mind.
Alice starts to count instead of thinking.
Stop counting, Alice. Tell me what happened. NOW, Edward thinks into Alice's mind.
Then Edward hears everything. The vision, Bella becoming a vampire, Bella killing someone, Bella almost burning in the sun. He left so Bella wouldn't lose her soul like he had. But now it has happened anyways. He was coming for his Bella. Now it happened, there was nothing he could do about it. he would come back and help his Bella adjust.
To be continued...
Bella is laying on the bed in Alice's hotel. She is staring at the television blankly. She is coming down from the drugs that were in the blood she drank. For a moment she forgot everything, that she had become a vampire.
"Alice, you're here!" Bella squeals. "What happened? I'm so happy to see you! Where's Edward? Is he coming back?"
"You don't remember?" Alice asks. She runs over and sits next to Bella.
"Someone turned you into a vampire. I had always thought it was one of us who would change you. But anyways. It has happened," Alice says.
Bella slowly sits up. She looks at Alice and then she remembers everything that happened. It all comes rushing back.
"So, I won't sparkle?" Bella asks sadly. That was one of the aspects of being a vampire that she had been most looking forward to.
"I don't think you will," Alice says. "But anyways, we will go back to Forks. Edward and the rest of my family will come back. We will all help you adjust."
Bella looks around the hotel. The blinds are down, and no sunlight is pouring in. Then Bella remembers again.
"Alice, I think I killed someone. And then some mice, I think," Bella said. "The guy who turned me. He bit her, and then I did."
"But you won't do it again," Alice tells Bella.
"Part of me wants to though," Bella says. She is afraid of herself now.
"But you will resist. When night falls you and I will go back to Forks. You will stay with us. We'll figure out what to tell Charlie," Alice says.
"Charlie!" Bella says. "I didn't think about that. What will he think? And what about my mom? Renee?"
Alice says that they will figure something out.
"Edward is coming," Alice says. "I just saw. He will come here and help you. Then the three of us will return to Forks."
A few hours later...
Edward rushes into the hotel.
"Bella, what have you done?" Edward asks. He picks Bella up and holds her. He starts to cry. He had left in order to save her, so she wouldn't become like him and lose her soul. It has happened now. He holds her and weeps.
"I'm okay, Edward. You're back, oh my god you're back!" Bella says. She grabs Edward's back and holds him. She rocks back and forth and she starts crying too.
This is not what Edward had wanted. He was livid with whoever had turned his precious Bella.
"Who turned you, Bella?" Edward asks.
"Just some guy. I think he said his name was Spike," Bella says. She lays in Edward's arm so still.
"I'm going to kill him!" Edward says.
"No, Edward, no, don't. It's not necessary. Let's just be together. Let's get married. I'm immortal now," Bella says.
"And your soul was taken," Edward said.
"You know I didn't want it without you," Bella said to her love Edward.
They are both silent for a few moments.
"You should have waited. I might have came back, changed my mind. Now you let someone turn you into a different kind of vampire. The sunlight burns you now. I never wanted this for you. I wanted to let you go so you could live a long and happy life," Edward says.
"I'll adjust. It will okay. We will be together. We can figure something out. It's never sunny in Forks anyways," Bella says to Edward.
The two lovers laid together on the bed while Alice made the plans to return to Forks. She bought three plane tickets, for herself, Bella, and Edward. It would all be okay. Meanwhile Edward just held Bella. He told himself it would be okay, that he would protect his Bella. She was like him now, kind of, maybe worse because she was bound to the darkness and to the night. Bella was still, lying in Edward's arms. And Edward held her, and they were finally together.
He wanted to find a way to fix her. Give her soul back, bring her back.
But Bella Swan did not regret anything. She wanted to go back to Forks and go to school with the Cullens. She would marry him.
Edward could read Bella's mind now.
"How will you go to school now, love?" Edward asks. "You will never be able to go out in the sun."
"I'm okay, Edward. We'll figure something out. It's never sunny in Forks anyways," Bella says.
"Okay," Edward whispers. "I'll protect you, Bella. We'll be together."
Bella smiles and stays still in Edward's arms.
To be continued...
Alice booked a 10 pm flight for the three of them to fly back to Forks, Washington. Bella was adjusting to newly being a vampire and she is sitting on the bed talking to Edward. They are kissing and touching each other. Edward is still upset that Bella became a vampire, but he puts that in the past because he is so happy to see her again. They lay on the bed and just look at each other.
"Marry me," Edward says.
"Yes," Bella says. She is immortal now and she has Edward.
They lay there and look at each other. Several hours later Edward says to Bella, "You know things will never be the same for you. I wish I had been the one who turned you. But now you are cursed to the night."
"It's not a curse. I'm not afraid. I'm fine with it," Bella says.
Edward is amazed at how strong his Bella is. Not just physically, because she is physically strong now. But mentally. She was never afraid and she adjusted to becoming a soulless burn in the sun vampire. She adjusted so quickly and said to Edward that she was not afraid. His Bella was so strong, and how he loved her so.
Suddenly Bella is overwhelmed with thirst. Edward can tell by looking at her. He can sense her thirst and her pain. Since it was daylight and California neither of them could leave the hotel. Bella would burn and Edward would sparkle an expose the existence of vampires to the public. That would cause the Volturi to interfere, which none of the Cullens wanted.
"I'm so thirsty Edward," Bella said. She could sense and smell all of the people in the hotel. The scents were overwhelming, tempting, scary, and enjoyable all at once.
"Patience my love," Edward says.
"Kiss me," Bella says. He leans in and kisses his Bella. He loves her and is sad at the same time. He is convinced that now neither of them have souls and that they are damned. At least, though, they are damned together.
Edward holds Bella and helps her to stop thinking about her thirst. She thinks about how happy she is back with Edward and that she would never age and would be young forever. She is still overwhelmed, and Edward is still sad. He can't teach Bella how to adjust to being hurt by the sun because it is something he has never ha to go through. He is thankful for Alice, as Bella had no idea that she would have burned when the sun came up. Alice got there just on time and saved her, thanks to her vision. Edward thinks about how if he had never left, then this would have never happened.
"Jacob is going to be so disappointed when I tell him," Bella realizes and accidentally says out loud. Jacob had yet to shift into a wolf and yet he would. Bella would be one of the cold ones that Jacob hated so.
"Don't think about him now," Edward said.
"He's my friend, Edward," Bella says. "You are the one that I love. I'm immortal now. We have forever together."
She hadn't known it when she sought immortality and vampirism, but she sacrificed the sun for the moon and the stars. She would have great intuition once she accepted the pain and curse that was brought on her. Her mind turned back to Spike, the vampire that changed her. She would always be thankful to Spike, even though he led her to kill. She realizes that since there are more than one type of vampire, Spike is the only one that would truly understand her. Bella wants to find Spike, talk to him and thank him. It doesn't mean she is in love with him. She is still in love with Edward. But only Spike can teach her some of these things.
"I can read your mind, Bella," Edward says. "Why are you thinking about Spike? He's the one who turned you?"
Edward is furious with Spike. He wants to end Spike. But he knows that is wrong. He can see that a part of Bella now loves Spike, the way a part of Bella loves Jacob, and her father, and her mother.
"I'm scared," Bella admits. "I didn't realize becoming a vampire meant I can't go out in the sun, not even secretly with you in the meadow. I'm not saying I regret it. I'm immortal now. I'm not fragile. But this is all so new."
Edward laughs sadly and holds Bella. He hadn't wanted this for Bella. But now it was done and all he could do was help her adjust and make sure that she was okay.
Edward kisses Bella's cheek and Bella closes her eyes and remembers what her life was and what it now is and how she had forever now.
Alice returns and Carlisle is on the phone with the three of them. He too had never heard of nightwalker vampires and does not know how to help Bella adjust but since Edward cannot live without Bella, he sees Bella as an adopted daughter.
"How will she hunt animals with us if the sun burns her in the daylight?" Alice asks Carlisle.
"We will think of something, Alice," Carlisle says over the phone. "Perhaps we will hunt at night. How is she, Alice?"
"Here and there, confused, in love, thirsty, scared," Alice responds.
"Okay. Once night falls head to Forks. I will be there with the rest of the family," Carlisle says.
Back in the hotel. Edward and Bella are resting together, and Bella finally stops thinking about what she's done and her thirst. She is calm and at peace. Edward stops blaming himself and is thanking that his Bella is back, although her scent is different now. She is not prey; she is his partner.
Meanwhile, Spike is watching Bella and Edward and Alice. He would end up coming after the Cullens. He would try to get Bella to love him. Spike was rebellious, he was evil for the thrill of it and not for the sake of just being evil. He knew that soon Bella would feel like none of the Cullens could understand her and that she would seek him out. Spike, and maybe Angel too, will teach her about what it means to be a soulless monster. Angel and his soul, Spike thinks laughing. This is also before Spike falls in love with Buffy and seeks out a soul. That would happen, and Bella would be a part of it.
For now, the monsters sleep. Spike does not realize that Edward is a telepath. Edward feels like he is a monster too but wants to be good. He cares about Bella's virtue and about Bella's soul. But he would love her even for what she is now.
Soon the Cullens and Bella were on a plane back to Forks, Washington. On the plane Bella insists that when they get back, she will find a way to tell her father an Jacob that she is okay; her mother too. They didn't have to know that she is a monster now. The plane ride is long, and the three vampires are eerily quiet and uncomfortable. Alice is psychic and Edward reads minds and Bella is a shield so their gifts clashed. Both Alice and Edward are scared for Bella because they never knew what it was like to be burned by the sun and therefore don't know how to help her adjust to it. But she would have to adjust, and maybe find a way to develop a tolerance to the sun. Maybe it would always hurt her, but she would find a way to endure it for maybe ten minutes, at least so she could tell Charlie that she is okay in person. She doesn't know yet, and it may not be possible. Maybe she would have to wear a burka.
"I'm not going to risk you bursting into flames just so you can talk to Charlie," Edward says after reading Bella's thoughts.
"Maybe I can endure it for a short moment. I don't know," Bella says. "I'm not afraid."
"You always say that to me," Edward says. "That you're not afraid. But you should be. Afraid."
"I'm only afraid of losing you," Bella says.
"I know," Edward says.
They get home and Bella settles into the Cullen house. She calls Charlie and her mom to announce that she was home from her journey and that the Cullens are back and that she is going to stay with them for a while. Charlie isn't that okay it but Carlisle convinces Charlie that it is what is truly best for Bella. Bella also calls Renee who now lives in Florida and lets her know that she is safe and staying with the Cullens and that she is so in love and excited about life.
Carlise had prepared a room for Bella on the first floor with no windows. Edward's room had windows, as he had no reason to fear the sun. Although now he feared the sun; he feared that the sun would hurt and or destroy his Bella. He couldn't bear that thought. At night, though, Bella and Edward sat in Edward's room talking, playing music, and making love.
During the night Bella hunts rabbits and mice. The bigger animals would be better sustenance, but they usually were not nocturnal. For now, Bella made do with the blood of small creatures. The memory of the one human girl she drank was still strong and tempting, but Edward was helping her through it. So was Alice and the rest of the Cullen clan. All would be okay, or at least endurable.
Charlie had yet seen his daughter since she arrived back in Forks. Bella told him that she is not ready to go back to school nor see him in person. Carlisle talks to Charlie and tells him that he is planning on home schooling Bella but does not - cannot - tell Charlie why. At least not yet.
To be continued...
Bella had changed in so many ways. She knew three things: she was madly in love with Edward Cullen, who was a vampire; she was a vampire too, and that if she went out during the day to talk to all of her other friends she would burn to death. Probably. The memory of Spike, the vampire that turned her when she impulsively searched for them on a quest to become a vampire so she could be with Edward. She also knew that she did not regret anything.
Bella and Edward are in Edwar's room, and they are sitting and talking. They are looking at each other and smiling. The window is open and they can see the black sky and the moon and the stars. They lose track of time and soon the night passes and the day comes. They don't see it coming and aren't used to having to make sure they see it coming.
The sun leaks into the room and Bella's hand starts sizzling. Edward smells the smoke first and wonders where the smell of smoke is coming from. Then he turns to Bella and sees that her hand is burning. Bella is shaking. She is a teenager and not used to pain. Edward runs to close the blinds of the window and rushes over to Bella.
"Are you okay? I'm sorry. We lost track of time," Edward says.
"I'm fine, Edward. I promise," Bella says.
"Your hand is red," Edward says. "I'll kiss it better."
He kisses her burning hand.
"It's just a little burn," Bella says. "At least I'm not that fragile mortal getting cut and triggering Jasper with my blood."
"That wasn't your fault, Bella," Edward says. "Are you okay? Are the blinds closed enough?"
Edward was not used to worrying that the sun would hurt his princess. He had been a vampire for over hundreds of years and hadn't known there were vampires that were burned by the sun and cursed to walk in the night. He had heard rumors, of course, but he had never really believed them. He had never had to. He was safe, and at the time that was what mattered.
"You're sure you're alright?" Edward asks.
"Read my mind," Bella says jokingly. I'll be young and in love forever. I hit the jackpot.
Edward Cullen wondered if there was anything he could do to make Bella like his family. Would his venom make it so she could walk in the sun and not get burned? Or would biting her to heal her from being cursed by the sun make it spread to him, and then he would be burned in the sun too? He was willing to take the chance and would even risk becoming like her, bound to darkness. Ironically, he knew Bella would never let him take that risk. He brings it up and Bella says it's too dangerous, that it wouldn't work, that sparkling is way better than burning.
"I'd rather burn with you than sparkle alone," Edward says.
"I know," Bella says. "But you don't have to. We're both immortal. We're together. It's fine. I'll be fine."
The lovebirds go downstairs to interact with the rest of the family. Rosalie, who had thought she was cursed and who had never wanted Bella to be a vampire, realized how lucky she was. That at least when she was forced to be a vampire, she never once burned in the sun.
"Hi Bella," Rosalie said. "Your hand! Are you alright?"
Although before Rosalie had resented Bella and had made it seem to the others that she hated Bella, really she just wished a long and normal life for Bella.
"It's fine, Rose," Bella says. "I'm immortal. It didn't happen the way it should have, but it happened. I'm happy."
Edward, Rosalie, Emmett, Alice and Jasper were headed to school and Carlisle was headed to his job at the hospital. They had not yet worked out if it was safe for Bella to go to the school when it wasn't really that sunny outside but it was daylight. Carlisle an Esme were doing research to figure out how to best protect Bella. For now, though, Bella stayed at the Cullen house during the day. Esme Cullen also stayed home and was teaching Bella about vampire rules and stuff like that. Bella was bored just staying home all day and wished she could go to school with Edward and also talk to the friends she had before becoming a vampire.
Although Bella could sleep, her body did not need sleep. She was immortal and bored as hell. In love, happy most of the time, a little scared, and secretly curious about Spike and his clan. Later she would learn about Drusilla, Angel, slayers, and other vampire politics such as those. Carlisle had brought home blood bags from the hospital as rabbit and mouse blood wasn't really enough for a newborn vampire. Bella hungrily downed several of the blood bags. Her face was covered in blood and she wanted to go out and drink the blood of random unprotected innocent people. it was daytime, though, and she wanted to be like the Cullens. She wanted to emulate them, she wanted to be good, she wanted Edward to love her, but she couldn't stop thinking about Spike and how he lived.
All she knew of Spike was from the night she danced with him and let him bite her and turn her, but still, despite the fact that she was madly in love with Edward, something was pulling her to Spike. She was thinking about Spike, dreaming about Spike for the few hours she dozed off and dreamed. Vampires like Spike who were night walkers could sleep but didn't have to. And Bella was bored and new and thirsty so she slept to pass the time and fight her cravings to go out and find human blood. The sun was out anyways, but maybe she could go into the sewers and find some victims. Maybe. But that wasn't the kind of vampire Bella Swan was going to be. So she slept, dreamt, talked with Esme, and drank blood bags.
Soon it was 2 pm and Edward was home from 21st century high school. Edward tells Bella that Jessica and Mike and all of the other kids miss her and hope she's okay. Bella doesn't really care what the norms think, but she is jealous that they get to go to school, socialize and go to the beach. The beach, where Jacob was. Jacob had turned into a wolf and Bella didn't even know. But she could sense that something had changed with Jacob too and she wished that she could get in touch with him. She wasn't ready, though.
"I really think it's okay for me to go to school. It's foggy. I'll be fine," Bella says.
"There's no way I'm letting you take the risk. Besides, if something happened people would find out about us," Edward says.
"Then we have to find Spike and ask him what the rules are. How it works," Bella said.
Edward hated Spike even more than he hated Jacob.
"I know the rumors of the nightwalking vampires, cursed to be burned if they stepped into the sun. For some reason you have that curse. I'm not risking you getting hurt, Bella," Edward says. "Not just to socialize with a bunch of teenage girls who don't even care about you."
"It's not just about that," Bella says.
"I know," Edward said. He could read her mind; he did know. She was so happy she was finally immortal but she wanted to be getting an education and talking to her old friends that she never cared about before because she was obsessed with and in love with Edward. She wanted to spend time with her parents and let them know she is okay but she does not regret at all becoming a vampire.
"We're going to figure this out," Edward says.
"By finding Spike," Bella says.
"Without Spike," Edward said. "Are you trying to make me jealous?"
"No!" Bella says. "Of course not. Wait...is it working? Just kidding. I need to know more. We have to talk to Spike."
"He's worse than the werewolves, Bella."
"Ok-aaaay," Bella says, laughs, and then kisses Edward on the chin. Then she kisses his lips and holds onto him. She is so happy to hold him.
But when Bella sleeps, she dreams about Spike. Spike is biting her and kissing her and talking about this mysterious vampire named Angel who likes to brood and who was cursed with a soul. Bella does not know how she got this info, or even if it is true, or if she is a intuitive vampire and almost psychic like Alice, but if this vampire with a soul is real, she has to find him so Edward could finally get this soul that he felt he was missing for most of his life as a vampire...
But she keeps these dreams to herself, and she counts and does math in her head if she recalls the dreams when Edward is around. She is not ready to share the information with Edward. Someday she would, but not yet.
The dreams kept coming, and they were passionate, and Bella was troubled by them. But her life went on, and for now she kept Edward in the dark about it.
To be continued...
Bella is laying in her room and staring at the ceiling. A few hours ago, she awoke from a dream about Spike. In the dream, Spike was dancing with a dark-haired woman. Spike and the woman were grinding together. They were in a crypt, and they were laughing. Then suddenly Spike sees Bella and the dream shifts. They are in a ballroom together, the kind that are sometimes in hotels. Spike puts his hands on Bella's shoulder.
"Are you happy?" Spike asked in the dream.
Bella looks Spike in the eye and starts to laugh hysterically.
"Happy? I don't know," Bella said to Spike.
"I'll be watching you," Spike said.
Then the ballroom and Spike vanished and became a pit of darkness and Bella was falling down it. The darkness swallowed her, and though she no longer had to breathe, she woke up almost with a gasp. She was shocked. She was in love with Edward. She didn't want this Spike vampire to screw with that.
He turned you, though. Bella said to herself. Edward wasn't going to. He left you.
Bella shook her head.
He came back though.
He did. That's true.
It's daytime and Bella decides to go upstairs to find Edward. It is a Saturday, so he isn't at school. Bella wants to go tell her father that she is okay. Carlisle had called him and told him that she was staying with them for now. He had lied and told Charlie that Bella came down with a strange sickness and that she wasn't ready to go and talk to him.
Bella wasn't afraid of burning in the sun. She wasn't afraid of dying; she had faced death many times since meeting the Cullens. What she wanted to do was see how long she could stand in the sun before bursting into flames, and if she could gradually make that amount of time increase. Let's call it a science experiment, Bella mused.
"I don't think you should do that," Edward cautioned, reading Bella's mind.
"You can't stop me. I have to try," Bella said. "I don't need you to protect me anymore. I'm going outside."
"Fine," Edward said. "Let's start with just the window open. 5 minutes. Then I'll whisk you away into darkness."
That reminded Bella of her dream. She didn't want anything to do with darkness. That was why she wanted to see if she could adjust, make the sun a less painful thing. In her first month as a vampire, she almost burst into flames a few times and it was not fun. So maybe she was a little afraid.
Bella and Edward sit in the sofa in Edward's room.
"Okay, I'm going to open the window? Are you ready?" Edward asked.
Bella braced herself and winced.
"Yes," Bella said, biting her lip and looking at Edward.
Then Edward opened the window and the sun streamed in.
The first thing Bella felt was a burning sensation all over her skin, and her eyes hurt. Her eyes ached and throbbed. She could smell smoke, she was sizzling but there weren't flames yet.
"What are you feeling?" Edward asked.
"Um, pain," Bella said.
The flames started licking. It was unbearable. Bella started to regret the experiment. She started shaking and convulsing.
"Close it! Close it! Edward, close it!" Bella said, almost screamed.
"That was barely three minutes," Edward said.
"I know. I know. It's a start. Close it, it hurts, close it!" Bella said.
Edward ran to the window and closed it and covered it completely with the blinds. Then he ran over to Bella and held her.
"It will be okay, Bell. I promise," Edward said.
"That hurt so much," Bella said.
"I know," Edward said. "Let me look at you. See if there is any permanent damage."
"I'll heal," Bella said.
"I know," Edward said.
He reached for an ointment that Carlisle had brought home from the hosptal.
"Let me take care of you," Edward said.
Bella took off her shirt, which had some holes in it from the flames that the sun had triggered. Her torso was red with angry welts. She looked down at it and shivered because ironically, she was so cold. Her heart no longer beat, and she was cold and in pain. But even now she had no regrets.
Edward put the ointment on Bella's burns. The ointment felt cool and was a relief.
"Come on. Lay down," Eddward said.
Bella and Edward laid down and Edward was the big spoon and he held her.
"I bet next time I'll be able to make it to five minutes. And then I can try going outside. You can bring a bucket of water to put out the flames," Bella said.
"It's too dangerous," Edward said.
They were both very still. They were both vampires. Edward couldn't sleep; Bella could sleep but didn't have to.
"I'm going to drift off to sleep, okay?" Bella said.
Edward nodded.
Bella drifted off to sleep. Strange dreams came.
While she slept Edward held her. She had not put her shirt back on. Edward noticed both how thin she was and how the burns were already healing. They were already slightly better. He then knew that she would be okay. They had forever, after all.
To be continued...
Itis 10 pm. Edward asks Bella if she wants to go to their beautiful meadow.
"It will look just as beautiful in the moonlight," Edward tells Bella. Bella smiles at Edward and says yes, sure, let's go. She remembers how peaceful it had been laying in the sun with Edward in the grassy field filled with purple and white flowers.
It is dark out. They can go to the meadow and star gaze. They can count the stars and howl at the moon. Well, not that. They aren't wolves or witches, they are vampires.
"Come on," Bella says. They go outside and hold hands and run towards the forest with super speed. They almost fly up to the top of the treetops. Bella has so much power now; this part of being a vampire is just so fun. They are high up in the air, perching on a branch like little love birds. Edward jumps all the way down and then Bella does as well. They slow down and walk through the dirt past in the forest until they find the clearing to their meadow.
Edward is wearing a watch on his wrist so he can keep track of the time. He doesn't want to lose track of time like he did that one time in his room. If the sun came up while they were lying on their meadow, there would be no dark place to put Bella to save her. She would burn to true death.
"We can't stay here much later than 3 am, okay Bella? I know from our experiment with the window that you won't like it if the sun comes up and we're here," Edward said. "I don't know if you'd survive it."
"I would," Bella insists.
"I'm not taking that risk. You shouldn't either," Edward said. He is still sad that his Bella became a vampire. He wonders if Bella has yet noticed her soul missing. He broods and wonders himself if Bella still has a soul or not.
"It's not that I want to burn. I just want to be able to be outside without burning," Bella said.
"I think it's like an allergy, Bella, or worse. You can't just force it to go away by facing it," Edward said.
"Fine," Bela said.
Bella and Edward are sitting on the grass and Bella leans in and kisses Edward. The sky is black, and the moon is almost full. They lay down and just look at each other. They are silent and still, their hearts do not beat, and they do not need to breathe. They are at peace. The stars whisper their names. The night is just as beautiful as the day to Bella, perhaps more beautiful. Especially since night-light didn't hurt. Daylight was excruciating and Bella hated it. It didn't mean she would stop trying to face it. She was determined that she would go tell Jacob that she was okay. She sensed that something supernatural was happening to Jacob and she wanted to go help him. Jacob was like a twin brother to Bella. He needed her and she needed him. The way siblings always do. But for now Bella could not go see Jacob. She was not ready.
She brought her mind back to Edward and smiled at him. She thought, I got my way. Edward didn't turn me, but I was turned anyways.
Time flies.
"We should probably leave soon," Edward says.
Bella sits up, still mesmerized.
"Yeah, we probably should," Bella says. "Race you!" she says.
And then the two vampires run through the woods and back to the Cullen house as fast as they can. They arrive there around 3:40 am and Edward gets there first.
"I guess you win," Bella said.
They go inside. Dawn is coming. Bella drinks a few rabbits and then the rest of the Cullens leave to hunt lions, tigers, and even bears. Bella is alone in the house and she wanders around it, avoiding the windows of course. For now. She thinks of calling Charlie but then she doesn't.
When Bella is alone, she remembers her one and only victim. She remembers how good the blood tasted coming right from someone's neck. It was such a sensual, beautiful experience, Bella muses. Some monster inside Bella is waking up. She wants to sneak out and find someone else to try. Just a little snack, she wouldn't kill the person, just have a taste.
Wow that was a dark thought, Bella realized. She closes her eyes and tries to will her conscience back to her. She thinks about the dream about Spike and his friend Angel the vampire with a soul. She wonders if she has a soul. She thinks she does, and she was willing to give it away for Edward anyways, but the thoughts she has been having makes her wonder. Sometimes she lets the thoughts come. She lets the demon in. Vampires kill, why can't she kill? Why is it wrong?
Because the Cullens don't do that.
You can't just be good for someone you look up to. You have to want to be good for yourself. And Bella wonders if she really does want to be good. She is tempted with the idea of Spike. She wants to do real bad things with Spike. Have lots of fun, lots of danger, lots of blood. Then she remembers how much she loves Edward and pushes those thoughts and temptations away.
She drifts off to sleep. And what happens? She has rough, passionate sex with Spike in her dreams. She lets him completely take her over in a way Edward never would. When she wakes up a few hours later she is troubled. Why won't the idea of Spike leave Bella alone?
She gets up and paces back and forth in the kitchen. She opens the fridge and gets out a blood bag. She drinks it hungrily and then grabs one more and downs it. That's enough for now. Human blood is so much tastier than bunny blood. When the Cullens find a way for Bella to hunt animals that aren't nocturnal she wouldn't need the blood bags, but that would come another day. Bella sits down and sighs. Immortality becomes her.
To be continued...
Reality is actually warped. I will not accept this reality. I will achieve immortality.
Some little tests
How badly does the sun affect vampires? Some sparkle. Others burn.
Bella has never been afraid though. She is not afraid of the sun or anything else. She is going to condition herself to be able to deal with it. If you believe in yourself then anything is possible. But it won't be easy.
Bella convinces Edward to help her. Maybe she would never be able to go out in the sun without pain or burning. Or maybe not. But she isn't afraid.
It is a sunny day in Forks, Washington.
Bella steps outside and instantly her flesh starts sizzling. Flames lick, she bursts into flames but is not destroyed. It is very painful.
"I knew I didn't want this for you," Edward said and dumped a bucket of ice-cold water on Bella.
"Come on. Go inside. This isn't going to work. All you're going to do is hurt yourself," Edward says.
Bella is sopping wet but also still sizzling. She stares forward.
Edward grabs her and drags her inside.
"You could have died, Bella, okay? Stop trying this nonsense," Edward said.
"You are so controlling, Edward. You never wanted me to be immortal," Bella said. "JK I love you," Bella said.
They go inside together, and Bella licks her wounds. They shower together to wash away the ashes. Bella would forever remember the pain.
OKAY GUYS I hope this installment was a little bit hilarious! Will be back with a real next chapter once inspiration hits! (If you review it might speed up inspiration...lol ok thanks guys)
Bella decides that she would try to build up a tolerance to the sun's rays.
If there is goodness inside your dead heart, then you will build up a little immunity to the sun. Vampires can be good people, we can, but there is evil too and it is sleeping inside. It is like when eve ate the forbidden fruit, it slowly crept up inside her. it ate her, it consumed her, it changed her. it changed all of us, down a long line of mortals. For immortals it is worse, harder, a curse that there is no cure for. Bella did not want a cure. She was made for immortality, made to burn, as passion always did. Passion burned, burned so much and it inspired like muses own long, ancient lines of goddesses and faeries. Some vampires are enchanted, some are undercover, God's agents in the flesh. Bella is so still. She sits by the window staring at the sun. The sun reaches inside and it burns Bella. She lets it, for ten minutes, and then she crawls to the window and shuts the window closed and with her fiery bloody hands she draws the blinds. She writhes in pain but feels accomplished. She endured the burning agony of the sun for ten minutes. Now she is in so much pain but feels like she has come out the other end so much stronger. She crawls to her Edward, who holds her. There are still dead flames on Bella, and the ashes rub onto Edward as he holds Bella. Alice enters the room and hoses both of them off with cool water. She leaves to respect their intimate pain that they share together. Edward holds Bella until she stops crying. She is crying because the pain made her realize that this is a curse. It is a gift, she can see that now, but it is also a curse and maybe Edward was right to warn her. In pain Edward's Bella weeps. Edward holds her until she falls asleep.
If you hate vampires and think you are so much better... then, God doesn't want you to bully his other creations/creatures. You are hypocrites. Jacob, for example, is a werewolf and thinks he is better than the cold ones. Werewolves are monsters too. And then you have the simple humans who love to get slutty, cheat on their lovers, do drugs, watch porn, et cetera. And if you are going to start hating on gay people...respect people who are different you sinful normies. YOU GOT IT - bullying is evil, being a fabulous gay vampire queen is not.
Then there was the biggest test of the century. Edward bought a black tent that has SPF properties. A necro tempered tent. Bella an Edward would bring it to the field and see if it would protect Bella from the sun. If the tent wasn't enough, Edward would use super speed to whisk Bella away to somewhere inside. The loving couple wants to be at their meadow and Bella wants to look at Edward while he is sparkling.
"You know this might not work," Edward said.
"I know. But I want to risk it," Bella said.
"We should test the tent outside of the house first. If it doesn't work and we're all the way at the meadow you might burst into flames and cease to exist," Edward said, warning Bella.
"Okay," Bella said. "I guess I wouldn't want that. I was in this for the immortality. And you, Edward."
Meanwhile in California, Spike is out hunting the current slayer...
Spike is a rebel with a cause. Vampires aren't bad. Vampires have fun. Spike is madly in love with his fair maiden Drusilla. Drusilla was going to be a nun; she gave her life to God. Then Angel tormented her, killed her family, found her at the convent and turned her into a vampire. She went mad, or madder than she was before, a beautiful kind of crazy. Spike fell in love with that Drusilla, the crazy chick. The thing is... her visions could be completely accurate. Either way, that was why Spike was so infatuated with Dru. Her mind was here and there, remnants of her other life at the convent and with a family that loved her were still there somewhere, locked up in the back of Drusilla's mind.
And Spike did have fun with Drusilla. He allowed her to be herself in her madness. Nobody drugged Drusilla. Drusilla was a queen. She was fabulous. No risperdal for her, no instead she gets bloodlust and rainbows and murder sprees. You know that drugs are bad for you. The government said so, so why are they giving drugs to people locked in psych wards? No, no, no. Not for Drusilla, and surely not for Spike.
Back to Bella...
Sometimes you just want to lay on the floor and weep. That was the way it was for Bella. She did not know before that she would feel like a monster, a wild animal trapped in a cage. Let me get this straight - not that we must be straight - but she did not at all regret becoming a vampire. She was immortal now, and a worthy bride for her Edward. Sometimes, though, she ran in the night like a creature, at midnight, fast and stalwart and bright. And then she dragged herself home, hungry and tired and almost psychotic from the blood lust, she curled up in a ball on the hard floor and wept. That was what it was to be a new vampire that burned in the sun instead of sparkling bright, a beautiful dove or a unicorn. No, Bella realized now, she became a creature of the night.
Edward looks at Bella with a pained, sorrowful gaze. His eyes are bright and weary. He pulled Bella into a hug and held onto her so tightly. There was no magical happy ending, but they were together, and hope was pinned in Bella's golden eyes.
It is midnight now, and Bella and Edward are on a date. Now that they were both immortal, no matter the how, they could start actually dating. Dating as equals, as equal as a heterosexual relationship can possibly be anyways. They go to a coffee cafe that is open all night. Vampires love drinking hot coffee because it makes them feel much less cold and empty inside. Bella doesn't have to breathe anymore, and her newly immortal body feels strangely cold and her throat is tight, burning, aching for blood. It was awful at first, then exciting, then peaceful. It was peaceful because it meant she was immortal and no longer had to fear death.
So, they got to the cafe and ordered coffees. They sat at one of the tables and sipped hot bitter coffee while exchanging meaningful glances.
"I know you have been struggling to adjust," Edward said to Bella. There was so much more he wanted to say. He felt like her pain was his fault. In his eyes were echoes and scars, old wounds and rivers of love, an ocean hiding deep inside the soul he used to have.
"I'm okay," Bella said.
She decides to tell Edward about the dreams she has been having, about Spike and Angel. She decides to tell him that there might be a way he can get his soul back, the way Angel did, if they can find him. She doesn't want to get his hopes up too much if the information is incorrect.
Because of Edward, Bella is immortal.
Maybe because of Bella, Edward Cullen would finally find salvation. If it was real.
"Maybe they're just dreams," Edward says.
"Still. Spike is like me. He burns in the sun," Bella said. "And he is my maker."
"I'm your lover," Edward said, a tweak of jealousy in his eyes.
"I know, I know," Bella said. Her eyes sparkled even though her skin never would.
The lovebirds finish their coffee and then take a stroll in the dark. Bella gazes at the stars that seem to be forming a strange new pattern. The moon is misty and a silver, shining white. It is a safe form of light, and part of Bella wants to howl at it. They find a patch of grass to lay down and star gaze. It is a peaceful night. The mortals are asleep and there aren't many being out and awake.
"I love you, you know," Bella said. She didn't become a vampire only for Edward - she craved the safety of immortality - but she did do it for Edward.
Edward grinned. "I know," he whispered. The sadness in his eyes was gone. Buried, maybe, but now his eyes were smiling. Everything was okay and it would stay that way.
They make it home before day breaks. Bella gets inside safely before dawn. For the first time in a long time, she feels balanced and okay. Safe. Full of hope and pride and maybe a plan. She drank a bottle of pig's blood and smiled, blood getting on her lips. She dances around in the kitchen in a way that might be embarrassing if one of the normies were watching. But nobody was, except maybe the Cullens, and they would be family soon, as soon as Bella and Edward got married. It would be a special and beautiful moonlight wedding. Bella would invite everybody she loved.
So, she let the happiness be real. And it would be.
To be continued...
Bella has been a nightwalker vampire for three months now. She spends most of her time in the dark. But she does not wallow in pity. Carlisle and Charlie have talked to Forks High School and explained that Bella has come down with an incurable disease and convinced them to let Bella be home schooled. Charlie only knows the lie, that Bella contracted a rare disease. The truth was that Bella became a monster.
However, Jacob turned and became a werewolf. On the phone with Jacob, Bella told him the truth. She became a different version of the cold ones that he was born to fight - a monster that burns in the sun, a pretty girl with murderous instincts. She promised Jacob that she is good, that she does not listen to the urges.
One time, though, two days ago she slipped out at 1 am. She became a monster. She lunged at a stranger that was lurking in an alley way looking for women to rape, food to ravage, rain to pour, monstrous desires to succumb to. Bella told herself she was doing the world a favor. This man was the monster. Not her, right? It couldn't be her.
Her face was covered in blood and her fangs and regular teeth were drenched in blood too. She feels ashamed and curls up in a ball in the same alley that she killed a man. She let her thoughts into Edward's mind, and he came to her. He does not judge her. He holds her and whispers sweet promises to her. Promises like it will be okay, you won't do it again, I will always love you.
The blood was like a drug. Her body craved it; her mind craved it. She sunk into it; she became it. If she were a mirror, silver glass, then she would shatter. Tiny pieces thrown in a million directions into the big, bad scary universe.
At least she could sleep sometimes and forget. Most vampires couldn't.
By next evening Bella comes down from the high of draining a man. She feels okay and she does some schoolwork. She starts writing poems in order to deal with the urges. When her homework is finished, she is sitting on the couch, and she starts shaking. She cannot control it.
The sun falls. Alice convinces Bella to go on a shopping spree with her. After all, shouldn't she start her undead life in style? Alice is pychic and beautiful and Bella has always been pretty jealous of her. Like, always. So, Bella goes with her. The mall is open late, and Alice insists Bella tries on every single dress that Alice finds beautiful and right.
Being a vampire, all of Bella's senses are heightened. And ever since bAliceing turned, Bella finally feels good. She is shopping with her best girlfriend Alice, and she is still madly in love with Edward. They are planning to get married and Bella's plan to get used to the sun is still coming along slowly but surely. Edward is starting to accept that she is no longer his fragile, breakable princes. She is his warrior queen, his goddess. Nothing could hurt her, certainly not pain. Certainly not sex with him.
Alice settles on a few dresses and designer jeans and Bella buys a few pieces as well. Bella finds that she actually enjoys shopping now.
Bella briefly wonders if it would be great to turn Charlie and Renee into vampires. Have her parents forever. Her family. No, the Cullens were her family. You can't just go make everyone you love immortal. It's against the rules. Bella is a night walker now, a Cullen, a beast, a queen. She realizes Forks High School isn't the end of the world. She would go to other high schools, and colleges. She would be smart and beautiful and strong forevermore. Why not? Becoming a burnable vampire was not a mistake.
I still need to seek out Spike, Bella thinks, not letting Edward read her random thought. She wonders if Alice will have any visions about Spike. She wonders why sometimes she just can't stop thinking about Spike.
(Spike is like that, though, he gets in your head and doesn't let you get him out of it. Somehow Bella found that out when Spike was changing her. Edward wasn't going to do it after all, someone had to.)
Then she wondered why there was spite in her mind. She loved Edward. He would have changed her eventually, right? Right?
Bella wants to drag Alice to go hunt down Spike. Maybe turn Spike into a vegetarian. He knows how to get us our souls, Bella thinks. But don't I still have mine? Bella wonders.
Edward offers chaste, beautiful, sacred love.
Spike offers danger, lust, blood, rebellion.
Which one did Bella want more?
She did not know. For now, shopping with Alice and dancing naked in the forest under the moon is enough. For now.
She fell in love when she was still a teenager, and now she is cold and frozen at seventeen. Forever. It kind of happened before she found out who she was. Before she went through a rebellious phase. All she knew is that she was MEANT to be a vampire. It would have happened either way, there was no avoiding it.
Alice and Bella go on a hunt together. It is girl time. They each eat a few deer - the blood of the deer, anyways - and run freely and fast in the forest. The speed and power rip their clothing, kind of. The animal blood sates Bella's thirst, this time. It was alright, this time. It was girl time.
To be continued...
